the graves crew

2011-10-18T20:41:00.001-07:00

Ever After: Week 2 from Andy Addis on Vimeo.

Come on - watch this one too!

Ever After

2011-10-09T11:33:00.001-07:00

Ever After Week 1 from Andy Addis on Vimeo.

Perfect post for my one year anniversary of being gone from blogging. I dare you to watch our sermon from church this weekend, the first in a series on marriage. This weekend was also Jason and I's first time leading worship in years and possibly our first ever positive experience doing music together. Unbelievable statement of what the Lord can and will do with your marriage if you let him.

WATCH THIS VIDEO. I double dog dare you (whatever that means)!

Melody of the Soul

2010-10-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

Here's the newest melody from my soul in black and white contrast; pouring out of a mind / soul / body that has experienced deeply both the "black" and now the "white". Our society, culture and American-motto tells us to live the race and pace of the first verse. I'd been living that verse since I was younger than 10. In fact, it was a way of living for me ... everyone needs and enjoys the person who can accomplish a lot. Less work for you, right? Well, that became my identity. There was one problem, my soul was suffocating. I felt like everyone needed me, but no one wanted me. I thought marriage was going to solve this dilemma - two would be better than one and could lighten my load. This was not the case for our marriage for 6 years and for reasons deeply rooted in how we both grew up. I began to do even more, and more, and more. The more time went on I began doing life on my own abilities and strength. My body tired, my soul sucked dry, my marriage failing ... until Mercy stepped in and rescued our ugly little selves from a pit of muck and mire. My rescuing wasn't a pretty sight - a story of very destructive sin. (I'll share more on this later) Alas, beauty has come forth in ways I could not foresee - which is the testimony of the second part. I've learned the result of the Spirit being alive and well inside of me is CALMNESS. I am a passionate and poignant lady and in the midst of being those things the Lord gives me CALMNESS from the inside out in order to speak and live with passion and poignancy (is that a word?).

Enjoy these lyrics. As soon as we get settled I'd love to share with you the actual song. You'll have to practice some patience because I have no idea how long that'll be!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Merry-go-round of chaos, confusion
Just keep going the busier the better
Don't look back, you won't find the answers
Dead locked and nothing will be better
Trudge away, child, toiling is the answer
Spinning faster will create momentum
Bring more effort, don't be selfish
If you feel crazy it's all in your head
Slowing down is only being lazy
Don't trust those thoughts of your soul

-
-
-

I'm ready to believe again, for me
Let go of bitterness, in exchange for love
Ready to run free again, but not alone
I'm not alone
We're not alone
-
It's time to feel beautiful, because I do
Not need anything, for I am filled
Embrace honesty, there is nothing to hide
There's freedom in nothing to hide
and everything to give
-
I can see past my pain, because I'm healing
Not isolate, for I'm secure
Devote to learning, because there I find
In Jesus I can heal and be secure
Through Jesus we can heal and be secure
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading a smidgen of my novel. If it's too messy for ya you won't hurt my feelings by quietly closing out your browser and traveling to some easy reading. I'm not too good at fluff.

Our Next Step ...

2010-10-18T17:38:00.000-07:00

Greetings from the Graves Crew!

If you haven't heard by now, Jason has accepted a job representing KState as faculty member in Research and Extension for Horticulture. (that's a mouth full ... read slowly). He starts November 15th. This is an exciting step as this type of avenue to practice horticulture is the only "dream job" Jason could foresee within horticulture. After graduating from KState with his undergrad he applied for a similar job and was a final candidate, but lacked the needed experience they were looking for. Now, 5 1/2 years later, he has the experience they were looking for and so much more. We see the Spirit moving on our behalf; taking us to a new place for a new season and a fresh start at living out the people God has called us to be.

We are moving. In order to represent this district we need to live there. This is the difficult part for us. We are both excited and yet sad to leave. We love the town of Manhattan and furthermore we love our church. Through our church we have caught a glimpse of the type of people we want to be - people that love without qualifiers, people that give and serve out of who they were made to be, leaders that shepherd us into freedom and not herd us into a box. Our eyes have been opened to HOW BIG GOD IS through this body of believers and what God is doing there. We are incredibly sad to move on, but we trust that God isn't leading us away to abandon us.

We are looking to relocate somewhere within this district. I (Leah) am not particularly excited about the actual town. (I'm convinced there aren't any artists there otherwise the town would have a more aesthetically pleasing element to it. However, I am open to being proven wrong.) But, I am rejoicing over a job that utilizes Jason's heart and giftings and not just his muscles and hands. I am uber excited to support his transition into this new role that will require a lot from him.

Our home. We have put our home on the market believing God's timing will be perfect. The sign is up, we've cleaned and finished some remodel projects and created a website (www.1204haascircle.blogspot.com) all in preparation. You can join with us in praying for our home to move or stay put in God's timing and furthermore that we would remain faithful to Him during the circumstances at hand. It is our desire to get involved there as soon as possible.

The whole Graves Crew is excited for this new adventure - we see God's fingerprints all over the path ahead. One step at a time - little by little we travel far.

We hope you are doing well and we'd love to see you soon!

open invitation

2010-10-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

“Stained Glass Masquerade” by Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

"Run into us, we are safe." Those words, spoken to us by our pastor, obliterated the stained glass masquerade I've known and experienced my whole life. Are you wearing a mask? Do you facilitate mask-wearing? Do you corporately practice masquerading? "Run into Him, He is safe" ... hear those words and shred your masks. Once you remove your mask, you'll feel naked. Run to humble people. Don't listen to those who send you scorn.

Sin is ugly.
Everyone has sin.
Therefore everyone is ugly.

God uses messy people.
God uses the mess of messy people.
The Bible is full of them.
Every
single
one
of
them.

God is just that big. He's working a bigger story than just you or I.

Our successes or failures can't throw off His plan.

Embrace one another.

It's freeing to do it. It's healing to receive it.

Do not wait.

Someone needs your embrace.

Month in Picture Review

2010-08-10T15:45:00.000-07:00

besties come for a visit ... one of my favorite things!

benson buns and pumpkin pie snuggle for some sesame street.

who needs to pay money to have fun?

celebrating friends' birthdays.

visit from a cali friend.

lotsa hubby time. perfect!

i may be old(er), but i love to dress up! we have costumes galore around here.
just call us "make-believe station".

pool fun. you wouldn't know my kids and i even spend time in the sun because we're so white. but contrary to the lack of pigment we were (not) blessed with ... we love being outside.

visited great-grandma in iowa for her 80th birthday!

whew, we've done a lot this month!

Pickles galore, but not enough!

2010-08-06T20:39:00.001-07:00

The verdict is in ... the pickles are a huge success! One disappointment: our cucumber vines are fried from all the heat. No more cucumbers for the Graves Crew, big bummer. One disagreement: are the round slices or the spears better? Try the recipe and you can decide for yourself.

Do you have any fresh ingredient recipes easy for a family and easy on the pocket book? If so, please share!

Pictures of pickled pickle eaters to come ... for now enjoy a very random picture of my son when he was a baby! (Please excuse the blurred vision, I was sleepy back then!)

Refrigerator Pickles

2010-08-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

We have oodles and oodles of delicious cucumbers coming from our garden. Thus, I decided to try a recipe from my favorite magazine. The kids and I made these super easy refrigerator pickles today. The kids love, love, love pickles and are anxiously awaiting their yumminess tomorrow. We'll let you know how they turn out!

"Audrey's Pickles"
- 1 pound medium cucumbers
- 3 cloves garlic
- 1/2 teaspoon black peppercorns
- 1/2 teaspoon whole mustard seed
- 1 teaspoon fresh dill weed
- 1 whole dried bay leaf
- 2/3 cup brown sugar
- 6 1/2 tablespoons white distilled vinegar
- 6 1/2 tablespoons white-wine vinegar
- 3/4 cup water

Directions:
1. Cut the cucumbers into spears or slices and place in 2 quart container or jar with a lid. Add the garlic, peppercorns, mustard seed, dill weed, and bay leaf.
2. Stir together the brown sugar, vinegars, and water. Pour the vinegar mixture over the cucumbers and shake the jar well to combine. Cover and chill. For fullest flavor, wait at least 24 hours before serving. These pickles will keep up to 3 months in the refrigerator.

Makes 2 quarts (about 18 servings).

Graves Crew Quirkiness

2010-07-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought about where the nourishment we're "nourishing" our bodies comes from, if it's meeting the core needs of our bodies at all? Have you ever wondered if symptoms you're experiencing could be related to your diet? We've asked ourselves these questions - many-a-times!

Since being pregnant with our son - who is now over 3 years old - I've faced many health issues. My hubby and I (we call him the Graves Crew Researcher) went to work exploring topics such as: where does our food come from, common toxic ingredients, healthy ways of preparing food, eating healthy on a budget and more. We're still on this journey of learning and exploring. We definitely enjoy our ice cream and pizza - so don't write us off as completely crazy. Our changes started off small. For example, we used to rarely eat fresh vegetables. Yuck, right? Four years ago one of our first baby steps was eating raw veggies. It was a stretch for us. We'd load up those suckers with a spoon full of ranch per bite. We've progressed somewhat from there and have developed a love for most things fresh (I still am not a lover of tomatoes or peas, sorry).

A couple things we've discovered about eating healthy:

1). It takes time and forward thinking. In the most hectic, chaotic times of our life eating healthy was the first thing that flew out the window.

2). Eating healthy is more expensive. The article I included at the end has some helpful tips

3). Eating healthy invests in all aspects of your being: body, mind and spirit. You may think I'm bluffing or over-exaggerating. Trust me, it's true. Try it. Start off small. Keep an open mind.

A book we read at the beginning of our journey, What the Bible Says about Healthy Living, provided three principles we found revolutionary: 1). Eat only substances God created for food. 2). As much as possible, eat foods as they were created - before they are changed or converted into something humans think might be better. 3). Avoid food addictions. Don't let any food or drink become your god. Another book that we read that has given us a practical, yet radical way to clear our bodies of toxins is Dr Don C. Colbert's book, Get Healthy Through Detox and Fasting. We partake in this cleanse every August ... yikes!

Before you start thinking we're cool for scarfing down our greens and yellows at breakfast, lunch and dinner let me tell you somethings to help you see this is a journey for this little Graves Crew. I love Mountain Dew and Pepsi. I know, it's terrible. I started this bad habit while working with pregos for five years - sometimes I just needed a sweet little pick-me-up after sitting with a darling of an emotional wreck, bless her heart (I was one of them too)! I loved all my lovely ladies and their families, but sometimes I just had to have the Dew. Thus, I'd drop my fifty cents off at the soda machine and indulge in my Dew. I still drink them. I don't regularly buy them, but my hubby and I do enjoy us some caffeine. I have many more examples of the places we still have mountains to climb in our eating habits, but the journey has been more than worthwhile.

It's almost time for our August reFRESHment month. This will be our fourth August to eat living foods for a whole month. I know it probably sounds crazy. And, it kinda is ... it goes against the grain. For a month I feel like I'm in Little House on the Prairie, or something like that. Remember, I'm a city girl who married a (hot) farm boy. We are blending our two backgrounds and creating a festive hybrid.

Enjoy the article below!

lng

9 Ways to Eat Healthily (and Cheaply)

By Joe Wilkes

By now, most of us know what we should be eating—fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, and fish, among other foods. But anyone heading off to the supermarket with a shopping list of the best recommendations for a healthy diet is in for a bit of sticker shock. Over a two-year period, a recent University of Washington study tracked the costs of "nutrient-dense" foods (foods high in vitamins and minerals and low in calories) and "energy-dense" foods (foods high in calories and low in vitamins and minerals—a.k.a. junk).* The nutrient-dense foods rose in cost by almost 20 percent while the cost of junk food declined. The study found that getting your average day's worth of 2,000 calories from the junk side cost $3.52 while getting your 2,000-calories' worth from nutrient-dense cuisine would cost $36.32. Since the average American spends about $7.00 a day on food, you can see where the rise in obesity might come from.

Other studies have shown similar findings. While the income percentage that Americans spend on food has decreased dramatically over the last few years, the obesity rate has risen even more dramatically, as has the incidence of type 2 diabetes, an obesity-related disease. And the obesity rate has grown the most in the most impoverished sectors of society, further emphasizing the connection between the rising costs of nutrient-dense foods, declining junk-food costs, and rising obesity rates. If you've priced out what a nice piece of Chilean sea bass with a side of asparagus costs compared to the latest offering from your local fast food joint's dollar menu, it's easy to be tempted to go to the dark side—especially if your budget is shrinking more than your waistline.

It is possible, however, to eat healthily and still have some money left over. Even on the tightest budget, you can do a little legwork and research to make the most nutritious choices for you and your family. And even if you're fortunate enough to have the cash to eat whatever you want, whenever you want, as my grandfather would say, "There's no point putting your paycheck through your stomach." (And he lived to be almost 100 . . . but that was before the advent of dollar menus.) Here are nine tips for getting the most nutritional bang for your buck.

'Tis the season. Eating seasonally is the best way to get the most delicious fresh fruits and vegetables. When harvest time comes around for your favorite fruit or veggie, the market is usually glutted, and following the time-honored supply-and-demand curve, the prices of those fruits and veggies plummet. And not only is it cheap to eat fruits and veggies that are in season, it's the best time to get the most flavor for your money. Most fresh fruits and veggies sold in the off-season are either shipped from faraway lands or produced in greenhouse factories and don't have nearly the richness of flavors produced by Mother Nature. It's a good time to stock up, eat what you can, and freeze or can the rest for a rainy day. If you're fortunate enough to live in a community with a decent farmers' market, it pays to get to know the men and women who are selling the produce. They can let you know when the best time to buy the best stuff is and give you a preview of what's coming up harvest-wise, so you can plan your menu accordingly.
The big freeze. Speaking of freezing and canning, these are great ways to save money and still have your nutritional needs met. Not only are frozen and canned foods way cheaper than fresh foods, but in many cases, they're more nutritious. Fruits and vegetables are usually preserved within hours of harvest, when they have their maximum vitamins and minerals. Fresh fruits and vegetables can take days, or even weeks, to make the journey from the field to your table. Add that to any time spent lingering on supermarket shelves and then your fridge's crisper drawer, and suddenly, fresh doesn't seem so fresh anymore. And for many recipes, frozen or canned might even be better than fresh. A pint of fresh off-season blueberries can cost more than $5.00 while a one-pound bag of frozen blueberries can cost less than $3.00. And the frozen berries will be a lot better in your morning smoothie. Any chef will tell you about the virtues of canned tomatoes over fresh ones when making your favorite pasta sauce. The only thing to be wary of is the sodium and sugar content in canned goods or frozen veggies that contain high-calorie sauces or other not-so-healthy ingredients in not-so-healthy amounts.
Shop around. Smokey Robinson was right. It does pay to shop around. Check out those supermarket circulars that are stuffed into your mailbox every week. Each week, your supermarket advertises "loss leaders," including fruits, veggies, lean meats, and fish. Their hope is to lure you into the store with these bargains that they don't make so much money on and tempt you to buy extra high-profit stuff while you're there. But if you stick to your list, you can fill your cart with the loss leaders and save a ton of money. They'll usually be items that are in season as well, since they're cheaper for the store to buy anyway. Also, signing up for their club or rewards cards can help save you money, too. It's better to monitor sales and promotions rather than clipping coupons, as coupons are generally for processed, less healthy foods—although you can sometimes find good coupons for canned and frozen produce.
Get to know your grocer. And your butcher, your produce manager, etc. Find out what day produce is delivered to the store so you get maximum freshness for your dollar. Find out from the butcher when meat goes into the half-off section as its expiration date approaches. The meat isn't spoiled yet, and if you cook or freeze it that day or the next, it's no different from buying full-priced cuts and leaving them in your refrigerator for a couple of days. Only your pocketbook knows the difference. Also, many butchers will custom-grind for you without charge. If a package of factory-ground turkey breast costs $6.00 a pound and a whole turkey breast costs $2.00 a pound, why not buy the whole breast and ask your butcher to grind it for you? You'll save a lot of money, and you'll actually know what went into the turkey burger you're eating.
Think outside the big box. Instead of always going to the big-box supermarket chains, investigate if there are farmers' markets or food co-ops in your area. The food will be fresher, cheaper, and hopefully, not as coated with pesticides, waxes, or other unsavory elements. It's a good way to save money and support your local community at the same time. You can get organic produce for the same price or cheaper than traditionally grown produce this way as well. (It's also worth checking out what your state defines as organic.) Organic food is great, but if you're trying to save money, traditionally grown food isn't essentially less nutritious than organic; it just may require a little more scrubbing.
Start your own farm. If you have a yard, start your own vegetable and/or herb garden. With a little online research, you can find out what grows well and easily in your neck of the woods. And if you're an apartment dweller like me, you can get a lot out of a container garden. I have big pots on my balcony that keep me in tomatoes, peppers, and fresh herbs all summer long. And if you don't have a balcony, you can grow small pots of herbs in your kitchen—decorative, tasty, and economical!
Plan ahead. Take some time on Sunday to plan out your menu for the week for all your meals and snacks. Find out what's in season and on sale in your area. If you can only make one shopping trip for the week, front-load your menu with fresh ingredients and stock up on canned and frozen items for the latter half of the week. One of the areas where my budget always falls apart is not having the ingredients that I'll need or a plan for dinner; I end up grabbing takeout or having food delivered—both unhealthy and expensive. Just by planning ahead and not wasting money on unplanned restaurant meals, you'll find that you have a lot more money to spend at the grocery store so you won't have to cut as many corners for the meals you prepare.
Tap into tap water. Not your wallet. If you're going to spend money on your beverages, invest in a decent water filter to improve the taste of your tap water. As we've discussed in other articles, tap water is subject to a lot more regulations than bottled water, which is good for you, and it's not shipped in from Fiji or Norway, which is good for the environment. And it's practically free! It's a lot better for your waistline and your wallet than multiple trips to the soda machine.
Take your vitamins. Here's the easiest, most economical way to ensure that you always get a base level of proper nutrition. Taking a good multivitamin and a fish oil supplement will help you get the benefits of a diet that would otherwise cost a whole lot more to get you the same nutrients you'd get from food sources—and fish oil supplements are especially good for those who don't care for fish.

*Don't confuse "nutrient-dense" foods with "high-density" foods, which is a common term for "energy-dense" foods. High-density foods aren't always unhealthy but your diet should consist of mainly "low-density" foods that have few calories per volume, generally due to the presence of fiber. Foods in their natural state tend to be low volume. Processed foods tend to be high volume.

Truths unloaded:

2010-07-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

Here are some TRUTHs for us all to digest taken from Taken from Freedom in Truth Ministries:

1. The Holy Spirit gives a sense of holiness. Satan gives a sense of worthlessness.
2. The Holy Spirit provides God conscious through the Word. Satan gives self-consciousness through feelings.
3. The Holy Spirit gives clarity. Satan gives confusion.
4. The Holy Spirit allows us to do one thing at a time. Satan promotes clamoring - pressure to do everything now.
5. The Holy Spirit corrects you. Satan accuses you.
6. The Holy Spirit is a convicting voice. Satan is a condemning voice.
7. The Holy Spirit points out unconfessed sins. Satan brings up past sins that are already dealt with.
8. The Holy Spirit encourages us to obedience and hope. Satan discourages you to despair and loss of hope.
9. The Holy Spirit is peace confirmed. Satan brings frustration and pressure.
10. The Holy Spirit leads you to a balanced life. Satan leads us to bondage.

just right

2009-09-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

some people know just what to say as they enter into the messiness of people's lives. maybe you need a dose of the wise, sweet or funny encouragement of some of my friends. enjoy!

"i won't tell you what you want to hear or try to down play the difficulty of this season. there is no amount of sugar coating that will make things better or less real. but i will tell you that if you make it through this difficult season, you'll be able to say with full confidence whether these God promises are worth it... you'll be able to know first hand if He is real and near in the goods and bads of life. most people who walk this life of faith never have the chance to truly test His faithfulness and petition for His closeness. but whether or not you wanted it, you now have the chance to test Him and find if He really is all we've hear Him to be. that alone may be all that there is to cling to sometimes, but i hope it is enough. i hope He proves to be more than you imagined, i hope you find more than you could have fathomed. but i don't know... i have never been where you are. i have never had to ask the questions you are asking. i have never tested the truths you're questioning. so i offer not my words or my wisdom, but my support to you as you search... i offer my prayers as you see... i offer my love as you hurt."

"i swear, everytime i read your emails it reminds of anne of green gables. ha. just the way she tells her stories and writes. love it. why do i like that movie so much? well, i am sorry you are so sick these days and know that God has a plan for all of this craziness. i know you hear that a lot--but from the heartache i went through the last year, i realized that God's plan sometimes takes us through the mud to get us where He wants us to be...perhaps for something better than we could imagine."

"You are a woman of great courage and impact... reminds me of the story told in Thornton Wilder's play The Angle that Troubled the Waters... with the Angle telling a stricken physician "Without your wounds, where would your power be?... In Love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve"."

"My heart goes out to you, but not in a sad way, in a happy way b/c I know you embrace life and whatever it gives you. You give that encouragement to many. In times when maybe we should not complain, we should realize what we have been given my God and appreciate it. It's like a few weeks ago when I was running on the track, complaining of having to run during my training for the upcoming half marathon. Right beside me were two runners with metal legs, you know those cool running ones? If they can do it, why can't I and I should not complain. There are so many things we complain about in life, but in reality, we need not. I love you Leah and know that you will do whatever it takes and so will God. I will pray for the things you asked for and then some. For you to be brave and not worry about what God has in store for you. You are loved and always will be!"

what type of friends do you have surrounding you? what messages do you let filter through your brain into your heart? it makes all the difference in the world, literally!

the story of jaylee's name

2009-07-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

Hey crew! We've had several friends and family ask for the story of Jaylee's name. So, we thought we'd share an email we sent out right after she was born. Enjoy!

We are honored to introduce to you our beloved daughter, given to us from our Most High, through the sacrifice of some truly beautiful people, Jaylee's birth parents. It will take us a life time to understand the love and sacrifice all mixed up in this treasure. Jaylee's life is truly a beautiful story.

Jaylee Ann Paige Graves
8lbs 20 1/4inches
Born at 2:45pm on Saturday, March 21st, 2009

The story of Jaylee's name:

Jaylee: Jason + Leah = Jaylee. Plus, it represents so many special men in her life > Jason and his dad's middle name is "Lee", my dad's middle name is "Jay" = Jaylee. Jaylee is a derivative of a name that means "Smiling". Jaylee's birth mom is a smiling soul and we know that Jaylee will be also.

Ann: Both of our mom's, Jaylee's grandmas names are "Ann". Although Jason's mom spells it "Anne".
Her first name is "Jaylee Ann".

Paige: Our beloved Paige will always be a part of our home. She and the birth father have given us a gift that cannot be repaid. Their sacrifice is our treasure. It doesn't seem fair that it has to work this way. Also, some friends from college said goodbye to their precious Cora Paige. Although we never met Cora, her story painstakingly reminds us that Jaylee (and Benson) is not ours - she belongs to the Lord. Each day we're given is a gift from the Lord.

And, lastly we'll leave you with a passage that has a whole new meaning with the addition of our daughter, Jaylee, and her birth story. Even if you know this passage, we encourage you to read through it with us here in celebration of Jaylee's life.

Psalm 139

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

things we've been doing

2009-07-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

benson is an engineer - "a hhuuuge tower".

Benson's constant state of bed head.

"I'm the cutest girl that ever lived - did you know that?
My mommy calls me 'pumpkin strudel'".

"My daddy loves me ... A LOT!!!"

wondering

2009-05-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

are you wondering where I am? me too!

the graves crew is doing spectacular and enjoying life as the four of us! we've weathered several changes in the last few months and they have all been amazing. Jaylee, of course, is the best. we've also changed jobs and little b turned two (the most interesting change). all of these changes have left us living life more. living out of who we were created to be and allowed us to 'throw off' some things that were holding us back. so, we've been buckled in and enjoying our season of change.

benson's new things: teaching jaylee to eat paper, telling mommy "no thanks mommy, benson's in a bad mood", he carries a senior picture around of his cousin Jackie (actually Jason's cousin) and shows it to his friends and calls her "my friend JACKie", he likes to pick out his clothes, he goes poopoo in the potty occasionally, loves wearing his dino undies, sleeps in a big bed and scares the heck out of mommy when i find his big blue eyes starring at me in the middle of the night, counts to 10, has all of our extended family and many friends' names memoriezed, he loves playing with other kids, and he LOVES playing outside all day long!

jaylee's new things: cooing and smiling, she loves to go out side for a bit, still loves the butt-patt, she burps as loud as mommy, her big blue eyes and gorgeous red hair melt her mommy and daddy's heart, she moves all over the place when she's sleeping - she definitely loves to move, she's a long lady - i have to put her in dresses mostly because her torso is too long for fitted clothes, she handles benson's intense loving really well - undergoes millions of kisses and snuggles from big brother, basically, Jaylee is amazing. If you haven't gotten to snuggle her, you're missing out. :)

all the pictures are from our first annual "Jaylee Day" on May 4th. we finalized jaylee's adoption. we are elated and honored to call Jaylee our daughter and formalize the commitment we already had for her in our hearts in front of a Judge. the final comment from the Judge was "I find Mr and Mrs Graves morally excellent to adopt Jaylee as their daughter". these words have enchoed in my heart ever since. they are healing words, for sure!

anywho, we're still here, alive and thriving ... just maybe not as much in the blog world.

a smidgen to whet the appetite

2009-04-23T12:21:00.001-07:00

coffeetalk and a little bit more

2009-03-29T16:48:00.001-07:00

benson - 1 week away from being 2 years
jaylee - 4 days old

coffeetalk aunt mindy lou
and
baby jaylee
6 days old

coffeetalk aunt marisa
and
baby
jaylee

coffeetalk beauties: l to r:
marie / me / marisa and noah / heather

3 of 12 coffeetalk kiddos: marie's addison (3) / my benson (2) / heather's noah (1)

2 of the 3 newest coffeetalk babies:

ainsley (6 weeks)
and
jaylee

a new little tid bit

2009-03-27T05:57:00.000-07:00

Benson calls Jaylee "jay baby".
She's only 2 days old and he's already in love with her.

precious, huh?

a way to get involved

2009-03-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

Through the whirlwind of our journey the last few weeks we missed the announcements at Church for the Walk for Life for LifeChoice Ministries (the organization [or the Holy Spirit's glue, as we call them] through which Jaylee came to us). You probably remember me doing this from last year. It's a Walk for Life fundraiser. LifeChoice is a non-profit organization that offers support to pregnant women as well as families wanting to adopt. I can now say from experience that the expensive parts of adoption do not include LifeChoice even though they were the most intricate part of our adoption story. We are really excited to do this together as a family of four this year.

Thus, we would like to invite you
to sponsor us as a family and celebrate Jaylee's journey into our arms.

Here's how it works, if you'd like to partner with us:
1. any amount counts!
2. email me as soon as possible with your name, address and amount of your donation
3. if you're sending a check please make it out to "Life Choice Ministries"
4. cash is fine if you're handing it to me in person
5. mail it to me - email me and i'll send you my address
6. by April 20th, please :)

Thank you all for your support in any way you're able. We've known all along this journey that we have an incredible support family. Jaylee is truly blessed to come into this world surrounded by such love. Sincerely, "THANK YOU" from The Graves Crew.

Jaylee Ann Paige Graves

2009-03-23T13:17:00.000-07:00

announcing the wondrous arrival of our daughter, a gift from God through her birth mother and father. Jaylee was born at 2:45pm on 3/21/09. she weighed 8lbs and 20 1/4 inches long. she has gorgeous strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. everyone involved is so proud of her and loves her so much.

please understand, we'd love to share so much more of Jaylee's delivery story and background. due to the sensitive nature of adoption and our deep respect for her birth parents these are the only pictures were going to post. this is such a beautiful sacrifice on behalf of her birth parents. wow, we are so grateful and love you so much.

love,
j l b and j

labor of love continues

2009-03-21T07:36:00.000-07:00

- Paige and I walking all over Walmart since 4am? <>

- 90 % effaced? <>

- dilated 4cm? <>

- bag of waters broke? <>

Yeppers, it's time ... we're home grabbing some breakfast and chilling for a bit with Benson, my mom and sister. soon and very soon "smiling" Paige will be here!

we'll keep you posted!

the labor of love begins

2009-03-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

hello all!

just a little heads up to say Jason and I are heading to the hospital right now ... it looks like Paige is in labor. please pray for this amazing lady, she's so strong, beautiful and brave. and, please pray for "smiling" Paige that she journeys through this delivery like a princess champ, as we know she is!

thanks for joining us on this journey - it's been amazing!

love,
j, l and b

a little R and R

2009-03-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

a little rest and relaxation will do a soul good, eh?

with inspiration from a floridian friend i have decided to take a week long break. life has been quite "full" lately. i'm going back to the basics of life and taking a week long break from the computer. if you email me, message me or blog me - be patient, i'll be back. if you really need me just give me a call!

thanks for understanding.

see you soon.

adoption education

2009-03-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

nope, no baby ... yet. keep waiting with eager anticipation with us.

whelp, i've learned something new today. you might find it as interesting as i have. i'd like to say "enjoy", but i actually find it rather alarming. to sum it up, i'll leave you with a quote:

"The policy is to provide maternity leave only to employees who are pregnant
and deliver a baby."

interesting. sadly, naive. the adoption research you find anywhere states that right after the baby is born, adopted and brought home to their new home, mommy and daddy - bonding is imperative. and bonding is brought on by spending time with, touching, feeding and meeting needs - exactly what a maternity leave is for. right?

read this article excerpt. i've included only portions of this article. if you're planning to adopt or in the process of adopting these are some really good things to think about. read the whole article here.

another great resource that i recommend is The Whole Life Adoption Book (June 2008 edition) it's a great read for those of you curious about adoption, thinking about adopting, waiting to adopt or have already adopted a child. it gives very practical and realistic insight into the whole process from curiosity of how it works all the way through your child wanting to find its birth parents.

anyways, here's the article:

The anticipation is over! You've waited for months, or perhaps even years, but now you are finally holding your baby in your arms. You know so much about this child, but to this child you are basically a stranger. How can the bonding process be encouraged between new adoptive parents and their babies?

Try the following 10 tips to help build that special relationship you've dreamed of into a reality.

1. Spend as much time as you can with your child.
Parents should be Baby's primary caregivers. Limit the number of visitors as well as caregivers, especially when you first bring your baby home.

"Mom should be the primary person that cares for, holds and feeds the baby for a good week," says Suzanne Schneps, a psychologist in Cleveland, Ohio. Schneps has found that this helps the baby to focus his attention in one place. It will also help the mom to feel how important this new relationship is.

"Limiting visitors is hard to do," says Karen Anderson, director of foster care and adoption for the Adoption Center at Bellefaire in Cleveland, Ohio. "But those parents who do it find that it works out well."

2. Realize that some babies may be developmentally delayed.
"Most children adopted from eastern European orphanages have been very understimulated and are developmentally delayed," says Dr. Gregory Keck, a psychologist, an adoptive father of two and the founder of the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio.

When Paul and Mary Meler of Brecksville, Ohio, adopted 17-month-old David from Russia, he was developmentally like a 12-month-old. "We were concerned about what had been lacking, like being held and nutrition," Paul Meler says. "He had lacked a lot of things. One of the ways we tried to compensate was by holding him a lot and playing with him."

3. Eye contact between Parent and Baby increases feelings of care, pride, wonder and love.
When a parent looks at an infant attentively for comfortable periods of time, the baby will respond by returning that look. Feeding the baby is a good time for face-to-face interaction.

4. Touching will suggest warmth, affection and gentleness to the baby.
"The [baby] cannot be held too much," Dr. Keck says.

When the Melers brought David home, they found massage to be an effective tool in bonding with their son. "Every night while Paul would read to David, I would give him a massage," Mary Meler says.

Marla Mock of Chagrin Falls, Ohio, found that using a baby carrier was a good way to have lots of contact with her 9-month-old daughter when she adopted her in China. "Either a sling-style carrier or a 'snuggly' type can be used," Mock says. "It kept the baby close to me and seemed to make her happier than the other adopted babies we were with who were bouncing around in strollers."

5. Talking and vocalizing increase communication between you and Baby.

Talking, cooing and singing not only increase the communication, but also help the child's language skills develop. The Melers found reading to be especially helpful in improving David's language skills. "When we adopted David, his language was delayed, and he wasn't really talking," Paul Meler says. "We started reading to him right away, and eventually his language caught up."

6. Become familiar with the child's foster caregiver.
If the child was in a foster home prior to adoption, find out all the information you can from that person about the baby's habits. Inquire about the baby's schedule, likes and dislikes. "Adoption agencies do little to prepare parents for adoption-related struggles," Dr. Keck says.

Anderson requires the foster parents she works with to keep a journal about the baby, which is later given to the parents. "Parents can also keep in touch with the foster parents and later use that person as a resource if they have questions about the baby," Anderson says.

7. Consider breastfeeding your baby.
Although it may be complicated to initiate, especially if you're not sure when the baby will be placed in your care, it can be done. Numerous studies have proven that both nutritional and bonding benefits abound for breastfed babies. "If a mother decides she wants to breastfeed, she should discuss this with a lactation consultant," Dr. Schneps says.

8. Surround your baby with familiar objects.

If possible, familiar sheets, toys, bottles and foods should be brought home with the baby to try to replicate his former environment. Sometimes this may not be possible, depending on the child's situation. When the Melers adopted David, he had been living in a Russian orphanage. "We could bring nothing from the orphanage home with us," Mary Meler says. "He got everything new."

9. Remember that dads are important, too!
Paul Meler was able to take a week off from work after they brought David home, and he encourages fathers to make time for their babies. "The parent that is working needs to make time to bond with the child," Meler says. "Kids need to have that family group to develop security."

10. Realize that every issue is not an adoption issue.
"Some of the baby's experiences may not be adoption issues," Dr. Schneps says. "For instance, a fussy baby can be colicky or have a food allergy. You need to look at the whole scope of the situation."

The first night that the Melers spent together was a difficult one. "David was chewing on books," Paul Meler says. "It was a hard night. We eventually realized that he was just teething!"

Couples need to know that the bonding and attachment process with their baby takes time, and they may not always be "on the same page."

"All of these children are from God, and parents learn," Mock says. "Kids don't come with instructions!"

i've loved all your emails and inquiries. it's great to hear about those of you who are thinking about adopting. keep the questions coming!

well, signing off for now. maybe next time i blog we'll have a new addition to the Graves household. just wait, you'll see, "smiling" Paige is amazing!

cheers!

white man

2009-03-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

enjoy! benson and i's waiting has reduced us to watching some funny videos on youtube. although benson's all time favorite is still this video we made of my sister's husband, mark at Christmas. enjoy that one too, if you want.

the potty

2009-03-09T14:55:00.001-07:00

at least its getting some use.

catching up / waiting, waiting

2009-03-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

in the midst of waiting Benson and i wanted to share a few things we've been up to, picture style (in no particular order)!

Above: a friend from college, Ruey, and his sister, Jennie, and his girlfriend, Eve, came to visit. we caught up while enjoying hot pot at Happy Valley, of course!
Mindy we wish you were here with us.
(January 10, '09)Above: Jason's sister, Amy, got married. This picture is of my three sister-in-laws, but are truly my sisters and close friends. I love them and I'm so grateful for them. Aren't they beautiful? Amy and her husband, Timothy, live in Kentucky - a long ways away. I miss her so much.
(January 17, '09)

Above: Our homestudy is finished! Kim, our social worker, is amazing. She's dreamed, prayed, listened and laughed with us over the last couple months. Countless hours she's spent pouring over our adoption process. Can you see the excitement on our faces?
(January 19, '09)

Above: we turned in our adoption profile! this was an exciting day that marked the end of the preliminary process and the beginning of the waiting. benson and i are pictured with Joy, the director of LifeChoice Ministries. we have no idea what we're doing and we are very grateful for her seasoned wisdom with adoption.

(January 23, '09)
At this point we were prepared to wait quite a while. From the stories of our family members who have adopted children we had it in our heads about a year. We would have never guessed we would receive a call 10 days later from Paige and Mason requesting us as the adoptive parents of their little girl. What a gift! Wow!
(February 2, '09)

The rearranging has begun. Our laundry room is now multi-purpose: laundry room and computer room. Benson and Jason are enjoying the fruits of our labor - recording some originals.

Above: Benson's little friend Addi's first birthday party was a blast. Benson didn't want to leave. He was telling me bye-bye, ready to stay with Addi's grandparents.
(March 1, '09)

Above: The end of the beginning ... my last day at The Women's Health Group. A sad day, but the beginning of welcoming this little lady into our lives forever.
(March 4, '09)

the beginning of new

2009-03-07T20:15:00.001-08:00

yeah, i know. it's been a while. every time i've sat down to share about our life, i couldn't. cora's story has been with me every second. how such a little life has had such a vast impact on lives everywhere is amazing. the hole its left with her mommy and daddy, i can't imagine. one of my greatest fears is losing someone i love - even knowing they are in heaven, made new and fellowshipping with their creator. shows my depravity, huh? it's the hole i was talking about that shrinks my heart with fear. life is so much more joyous and meaningful living it with those we love. you can imagine ... i am also terrible at goodbyes. even the "i'm-leaving-for-the-weekend" goodbyes. it's something i'm exploring. i don't have it figured out, but my heart is in bondage with fear. sure, you can journey this with me. i'll keep you posted.

our update: we're still waiting! yes, our "smiling" Paige is still in utero with her birth momma Paige. the last few weeks have been amazing getting to know Paige and Mason as well as exploring the meaning and purpose of adoption. i have had so many opportunities through this journey to dwell on the deepest and truest meaning of adoption. i've come to realize i don't think most people know much about it. subconsciously i think a lot of people believe that the baby should stay with its birth mom. wow, such a hard topic of discussion. i can't even fathom the heart of a birth mother. like i've said before - i respect them so much. hands down, they are amazing. but guess what, i don't think i could do what they've done - letting go of their very own flesh and blood. it's amazing. it's a decision to be respected and honored. and yet, i'm sitting here as the recipient of this most amazing gift. what can i even say in response? what gift could i give to try to convey the gratitude that grips my heart. i'm not sure yet. i'd love her to have an eternal gift!!!

benson is more ready than ever for this new little addition. one morning when benson woke up i found him sitting indian style, grinning from ear-to-ear as he asked "baby sistoo (sister) coming?!" he shakes his booty to a little chant that goes "cute baby sistoo". he visits her little homemade bed in our room and talks through each item, "baby sistoo's bed, baby sistoo's blankie, etc". he's been talking about his baby sistoo since december. the interesting thing is we didn't even meet Paige and Mason until the beginning of February. hmmm? maybe little hearts are more in tune than we think.

i have received many-a-emails asking me about our adoption journey. as of right now i'm just taking notes and attempting to absorb the whole process. if you're interested in joining this journey, i'd love to share. just let me know!

a celebration of life

2009-02-09T04:35:00.000-08:00

A celebration of Cora's life will be held at 1:00 PM on Tuesday, February 10, at Grace Community Church, 1600 S. Anderson Rd. Newton, Kansas. Burial will follow at the Pleasant View Cemetery in rural Elbing.

In lieu of sending flowers, a memorial has been established to construct the Cora Playground, an extension of the children's ministries department at Grace Community Church.

www.themcclenahans.blogspot.com

2009-02-08T14:47:00.000-08:00

Cora is in heaven today.
I will never understand this journey. How could I?
A precious little life in the hands of such wonderful parents,
striped away
so quickly,
so awful.

Jesus, please hold this family close and love them boldly.
Show us your heart Lord, we don't understand.

the "paige"s are turning

2009-02-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

two things about "paige" today, both very different from one another, but both on my heart.

cora paige. an hour doesn't pass when this little life is tugging at my heart, lifting her up to our Maker. she and her parents really need your prayers. please visit their site www.corapaige.com to get caught up on their life and their faith.

our paige: a very precious girl, paige, has chosen us to adopt her little girl. she is due anytime in the next few weeks. paige is amazing, an answer to our prayers. if you read below our birth mom letter, it's as if we were writing that specifically for her and her story.

please join us in celebrating both Cora Paige and our Paige.

25 random things about me

2009-01-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

thanks for tagging me time and time again - i finally did it. enjoy! :)

1. my personality is a small percentage of people; simply put - I love numbers, organization, and thinking, but i am a very sentimental, relational and sometimes spunky individual.
2. i love my "new" name and the addition of the Graves' into my life. it's a fit.
3. did i mention that i think toooooo much?
4. my favorite color is black - but i LOVE color. black just goes with everything!
5. i've always wanted to adopt several children. we are waiting to adopt our new son/daughter any day now!!!
6. i am an extrovert 100%, but i am fed by my alone time (i don't get much of it, but i love it).
7. i grew up in kansas city, but i don't like it much anymore. too busy, a lot of unfriendly people - but I LOVE soo many people there.
8. i have a group of college girl friends (12 to be exact) that met our freshman year and have grown even closer over the years. we're the Coffeetalk girls. i'm hosting them this weekend and i cry every time i think sharing a living room with them. if you don't know them you should! we're all over the world now, so we cherish the times we get together.
9. i love serving women. i love financial planning. i love babies. thus, I LOVE MY JOB! i work three days a week (long days!) and help prego's and their families find resources, allocate their income and understand their insurance. it's amazing.
10. i have a lot of pet peeves: people breathing on my neck or my ears, screaming music, peas, cell phones that lose signal, old bf's wives that try to add me on facebook (wierd), being on a team that isn't willing to do anything it takes to excel at whatever we're doing, getting interrupted while reading or being creative, forcefully opinionated people or organizations.
11. i'm in the process of starting my own business: the listening brush. i am an abstract artist. people pay me to put their life on canvas. it utilizes both sides of my personality: a place where introspection and creativity collide and allow me the opportunity to interact with people. my website will be up soon.
12. i hate being sick. a lot.
13. i am not particularly fond of california, at least the places i've already been, but i LOVE to go there because some of the most amazing people live there.
14. i love jason graves. he's a genius with a huge heart. watch out world - here he comes! he knows a lot about a lot and is a phenomenal teacher to help you understand anything. plus, he's a hottie!
15. journaling is my lifeblood. i'm currently filling #35 of my adult life. yikes.
16. i am a truth-teller. i'm not a private-person. nor do i give people what they want to hear. if someone asks if their shirt is ugly, i'm not going to lie. if i have something going on in my life it doesn't embarrass me to share. i'd rather people know whats going on than assume. but, i don't really have a lot going on in my life (wink, wink).
17. micro suede couches are the bomb - especially brown ones. my kiddos have not destroyed them yet.
18. i love to cook. i love learning about healthy eating. i'm always up for a new challenge, but i cannot for the life of me enjoy cooking with recipes. i use them as guidelines or not at all.
19. i love family; my husband son and soon to come baby, my siblings and their spouses, extended family, jason's family, our parents ("papa" and "jamma"). life is so much fun with lots of family.
20. i hate being cold. absolutely. i love fireplaces, blankets, rice packs that my aunt makes me, warm food, hot tea and again, fireplaces. without these things i would not survive the kansas winter.
21. i'm allergic to so many things. the chemistry of my body has changed so much since having my son. i'm a medical mystery. hmm. i don't think thats a compliment.
22. i'm a closet musician, songwriter, singer. i used to do these things a lot, but now i mostly bestow this type of creativity on my son. you should hear our rap version of "this little light of mine". it's rockin!
23. one of my goals this year is to purchase a semipro camera and practice my photography skills. i love photography.
24. next week i get braces. yikes. scary.
25. i'm soooo excited to meet my new son or daughter and kiss the cheek of his or her mother. she is a brave and amazing woman. her sacrifice and labor brings another family such joy. i cannot wait to meet her.

time to pray

2009-01-27T12:57:00.000-08:00

I'd like to introduce you to
Cora Paige
- a beautiful baby that needs your prayers!

Cora is 10 months old and the daughter of some college friends, Joel and Jess. Last week she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a form of cancer. I cannot imagine the hits a mother and fathers heart must take in hearing this news of their innocent, adorable little sunshie. This makes my heart heavy and my knees weak. Join with J, Benson and I in praying for Cora, Joel and Jess - even if you don't know them. Prayer is powerful and effective.

Here are two sites you can visit to read more about their journey:

http://themcclenahans.blogspot.com/
www.corapaige.com

turned in

2009-01-10T18:52:00.000-08:00

we turned in our portfolio to Life Choice yesterday. it was really exciting. we took pictures to document the process. there's so much going on in our lives right now it seems crazy that we could be proud parents of our baby #2 (actually #4). thanks for joining in on our progress. keep waiting and praying with us.

in other news - my international friend, Ruey, and his girlfriend, Eve, and his sister, Jenne, were in town today. j, benson and i met up with them at Happy Valley and had some wonderful Hot Pot. Ruey and i met in Chinese class in college. he was taking it for an easy A and I was taking it to do something with my lovely roommie, Mindy. we met Ruey in that class and have been blessed by him ever since. benson loved him. the last time he saw him he was only 4 months old. this time he was running and jumping, singing and shaking his booty with Ruey. it was a great time. thanks Ruey, Eve and Jenne for a great time!

we invite you ...

2009-01-05T19:54:00.000-08:00

to join us on our journey of adoption - a journey of waiting, hoping, praying, believing and trusting.

where we're at: we've completed our home studies and built a great relationship with our social worker. we are adopting privately and i have worked closely with the adoption support team for 5 years at my job.

the big surprise: we've been working on our profile which is the Birth Mothers read to chose their adoptive family. this is an overwhelming position to imagine. out of this i have developed an amazing respect for Birth Mothers. they are the most amazing people in the world - no matter their background, no matter their choices. hands down they deserve love and applause. in writing our letter to the birth mom that begins our profile i have been overcome with tears and fits of joy. birth mother, whoever you are, i love you. here is the letter that has taken months of journeying to write. please take a moment to put yourself in the shoes of a Precious Mother-with-child who dares to think there might be a better home than her own for her very own flesh and blood, her baby. and furthermore she is courageous enough to choose life.

Dear Mother-with-Child,

Hello precious woman! We believe a mother knows what’s best for her child. The decisions you are in the process of making are so difficult. We can’t even imagine the joy and sorrow that’s filling your heart, how confusing. We want you to know if you decide to place your precious baby in our hands we offer a forever commitment to train he or she up in the best way we know how.

Having birthed a child we can only imagine the range of emotions you are in the middle of. From feeling your baby move within your body, wondering what the next day will bring and carrying the weight of the your decisions. You are so brave! Wherever the little life inside takes you we commend you for choosing life. If, in the future, our lives join we count it a blessing. Cheers to these beginnings of new life!

Our duo (Jason and Leah) met in college and we have been married for 4 years now. The topic of adoption isn’t new to us. We have many relatives and close friends whose lives have been wonderfully blessed by either adopting or placing. We are proud parents of our 2 year old son, Benson. Even before his birth we knew adoption would some day be a part of our lives. After his birth we were excited to become proud parents once again. After two ectopic pregnancies Leah is unable to bare any more children. Even through this grief, it seems to confirm our long standing desire to graft children into our family through means of adoption. And we are very excited! We have teamed up with Life Choice to begin our searching and waiting. We would consider it nothing short of a great honor to be entrusted with another precious life. Neither of us can imagine how hard the decision must be for you, but know that we do not take your decision nor our commitment to become parents again lightly.

Jason and I are opposites which we feel leaves us few blind spots. In the areas one is weak, the other is strong. We do complement each other very well. It has taken us time to understand how each other work, but as our marriage has grown so has our love. We both agree that family is one of our biggest passions. We come from very strong and supportive families and understand the great role family plays in the life of every child. We definitely cannot claim perfection, but we do understand our strengths and weaknesses and are committed to becoming better parents and people no matter what.

What do we want to offer your little one? Our number one priority is love. We’ve dreamt of being able to have many children - we feel we have a lot of love to give. We believe a part of loving our children well is allowing their individuality, personalities and interests to play out in our every day living - freeing them to be who God created them to be! We also seek to love our children by constantly evaluating the balance between structure and space. While we provide boundaries for our children we also want to help them find enjoyment within those boundaries. Another priority we employ within our home is laughter. We realize life can be stressful, even hurtful, and in the midst of this we value loving each other by helping one another smile. We’ve found smiling and laughter sincerely takes the edge off of stress and blesses us with perspective. Amidst all of these aforementioned things the overarching way we seek to love within our home is to grow in the love and knowledge of the Creator of our souls and being. We believe that Jesus is the source of truly living and we seek to instill this in our children.

Again, we cannot claim perfection, but we want you to know number one we believe in the vision of parenting and believe we were born to be a mother and father. Secondly, we are grounded in the purpose of adoption, believing it to be a mysterious and wonderful plan to bring a family together.

Precious Mother, thank you for taking the time to learn about our family. If our journeys collide we count ourselves blessed and hope to be a blessing in return.

Sincerely, Jason and Leah

Stay tuned and we'll keep you posted.

Thanks for praying for us and journeying with us.

help, potty training!

2008-12-31T17:53:00.000-08:00

okay, benson is just beginning the potty training stage. he's interested in "poopoo in the potty" and loves the little dance mommy does in the bathroom for poopoo and peepee. i've bought him dino undies that he loves and i've been letting him run around the house in them. i bought little gummy bears as potty candy ... how fun! but, i have one problem. he thinks tooting is the thing you're supposed to do on the potty.

i'd love to hear your potty training ideas, stories, blunders or theories.

a visual from our christmas

2008-12-29T21:18:00.000-08:00

my sister's husband was the only one missing this Christmas. he is currently serving our country in Afghanistan - yeah, he's amazing! thus, my brother's wife, ashley, wrote this spoof of Joy to the World to let him know how much we miss him! Merry Christmas Mark!

again, one breath at a time

2008-12-29T21:15:00.000-08:00

We've returned from celebrating CHRISTmas with my family in Kansas City. Jason, Benson and I had a wonderful time and spent close to a week home with my family. Although, a lot of our time was spent being sad. We've had three family friends pass away so we celebrated their (premature) union with the Lord at two of their funerals. Two of them were young men who were killed in auto accidents (one on I-70 and one in Colordao). How exausting. I believe they are in a much better place, reunited with their King and in one case his father and the other case his grandfather (who was the third man who died two days before him). But this world is so much more fun enjoyable and intriguing with all three of them here! I miss you Devin, Destin and Jerry!

On the way back to Manhattan we stopped in Topeka for my afternoon long Neurology appointment. I was very comfortable with Dr Huang and felt wisdom and truth were prevalent in our time together. He reviewed my too-long handwritten time line and asked me dozens of questions - coming to a conclusion that I have had seizures most of my life and pretty frequently. As a child I had a few febrile seizures (associated with high fever) which increases a persons risk to have continued seizures not associated with high fevers. I start a seizure medication tonight. As a very good friend of mine knows, seizure medications come with a host of side effects of which we will be trying to manage. The very unfortunate news that comes with this confirmation is that it is unadvised for me to drive, especially with Benson. They don't take away my license, but its risky and probably foolish to drive. wow, breath by breath my friends. As i wrote to a friend earlier today....

"breath by breath, seriously. i can't do much more than that. honestly, today i haven't felt in touch with my heart at all. i feel like i'm in a wind storm, never knowing what direction the wind is coming from. i think i'm doing okay. mostly my mind has been wandering to not being able to drive. i can't fathom what this means practically for being a wife, mom, and friend. i can't fathom how this will affect my independence and my adventuresome tendencies (especially as a mom). so, we have a lot to journey through. i guess its the continuation of the mis-adventures of mrs graves, huh?"

thus, my friends ... we aren't sure what is ahead, but we believe that we are being taken care of by the tender hand of a Father who cares for the small and LARGE needs of His children.

also, if you think of it, would you pray for the families of Destin Towse/Jerry DalPorto and Devin Quick? their families have experienced unfathomable tragedy this week and are in immense need of comfort!

thank you for being patient with me and extending me some grace in my lack of response to your emails and phone calls. i love them so much and need them so desperately. unfortunately i haven't the emotional or physical stamina to respond ... please know they are soaking into my soul, soothing some of the ache! thank you!

one breath at a time

2008-12-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

friends, family and stalkers ...

thanks for tuning in for an update. your words, prayers and such precious acts of kindness have been a strength keeping us going. just as we think nothing more can be added to our struggle it gets deeper. to add to my health issues we have had three calls today with tragic stories of those we love. as these dear loved ones trek a journey no one wants to be on we feel blessed, somehow.

our tears and love press on for the DalPorto and Quick families. we love you.

the only solace i have right now is that i can take one breath at a time.

thank you for joining us in our craziness.

i've been tagged

2008-12-04T20:58:00.000-08:00

Thanks, Amanda W. for tagging me. Enjoy the Graves product, its random.

Here are the rules:

1. Choose the 4th picture folder on my computer

2. Choose the 4th picture

3. Explain the photo

4. Tag 4 others

This picture was just taken the other day during our bedtime routine. Benson has a fetish with pajamas, especially ones with "dinos" on them. When we tell him its time for bed he runs to his room and brings out a stockpile of pajama tops and bottoms (and leaves the ones with the feet because he hates them). Then he proceeds to pick out his pjs for the night. This particular night he put them on his head and handed one to me to do the same. I know this is random ... welcome inside the Graves' world of dino pjs. Any one have any they'd like to hand-me-down? The kids can't get enough dino pjs! :)

I'm tagging: Nikki, Jami N, and Heather

Enjoy!

2008-12-01T19:11:00.000-08:00

I've been a downer lately so sit tight and enjoy a little story from Bensonland:

Saturday morning we were packing to leave Tescott to head home to Manhattan. Benson woke up on the wrong side of the bed and nothing satisfied him that morning. I was trying to blow dry my head when Benson came into the bathroom whining. I turned off the blow dryer, knelt down in front of him and asked "Benson, tell Mommy what's wrong? Use your words." Innocently his big blue eyes stared into mine as he wrinkled up his nose and said with strong annunciation "bad moOOOOD." I tried to hide my surprise that he even knew that phrase. I simply replied "Yes, I guess you are in a bad mood, huh? I think it's time for ni-night".

Enjoy!

my coffee talks, does yours?

2008-11-18T18:55:00.001-08:00

greetings

2008-11-16T12:11:00.001-08:00

Greetings, again, from the Flint Hills. I wish I could say the view out my front window is beautiful. It's drab; wilting leaves, dried out branches, dull color ... it's the end of fall waiting for the blanket of white to cover its "drabness".

Our seasons circumstances are dull, drab, colorless. Yet, beneath all the "nothingness" there is LIFE that will, in season, bring back glorious color. Of this I wholeheartedly believe.

I have returned from yet another surgery, this time for the rupturing of my last remaining fallopian tube, therefore cementing the end of one dream and the beginning of another - building a family through adoption. Although much grieving and pain is taking place, isn't this the story of our creation and salvation? However naive we are at this point on the logistics and process of adoption ... we are compelled. This is the story of my salvation. My Father in Heaven grafted me as his own ... He didn't have to. He chose me, period. I didn't do anything to deserve His love, nor did I entice Him to draw near to me. He brought me to His side because He loves me, He cares for me, He believes in me. Actually, He bought me with His life. We can't say that, but we're ready to choose a life to forever love.

The story isn't over, my friends. Please, continue with Jason, Benson, our up-and-coming baby, and I on our journey of LIFE!

We love you all and thank you for your continued prayers and support. We need it!

a new chapter

2008-11-15T22:32:00.000-08:00

hey friends, family and secret stalkers!

i've returned from yet another surgery, but i'm alive and i don't take that lightly. my only remaining tube ruptured this week. with the wisdom and love from my doctors i am alive and at home healing, at least physically.

we're not sure how we're doing at this point - you'll find us pretty somber and reflective and numb. we're holding tightly to eachother, our miracle son, the Lord and your prayers.

when we're angry we ask "lord, why are we dealing with this at such a young age". but then when we're trusting the lord we rejoice, "wow, we get to begin the journey of adoption at such a young age!!" both are true at the same time, see how confusing this is.

thank you for your love, encouragement and support. we appreciate it all, big or small! thursday is our first appointment with our social worker. we've had this appointment scheduled for awhile, we just didn't know how much would solidify with the closing of my womb before we meet her.

we love you all and thanks for joining in - we invite you along with us on our journey.

a strangers insight into my heart

2008-11-08T16:45:00.000-08:00

"When a family is being a family it is powerful, even worshipful."

When a Baby Dies

Dennis Rainey and his family look for hope in the valley of the shadow of death

Photo Courtesy of HL Concepts, LLC

One hour after she was born, Dennis Rainey learned that his granddaughter was in dire trouble (here with her mother and father, Rebecca and Jake Mutz).

By Dennis Rainey with Chris Lawrence

05 . November . 2008

The days were filled with expectation. Every time our cell phone rang, my wife, Barbara, and I hoped it was from Rebecca, our fourth child of 6.

We were eager for our new granddaughter to be born. And on June 13 at 5:27 a.m., little Molly Mutz entered the world.

An hour or so later, we received an e-mail saying that Molly didn’t cry during her first few minutes — not a good sign — and that doctors thought that she might have a heart murmur.

This was on our minds as Barbara and I flew to Colorado and joined Rebecca and her husband, Jake, at the Denver Children’s Hospital at 9 p.m.

Baby Molly Was In Dire Trouble

Jake met us in the lobby and told us more disturbing news — the doctors thought Molly needed brain surgery.

My heart sank to the floor. The situation was more serious than any of us realized.

In the face of such uncertainty, we were left with a choice of whether to trust God or to get angry with Him, deny Him or go off on our own.

Our family chose to trust God.

New Parents’ Joy Turned to Mourning

Saturday was a day of testing, in more ways than one.

Molly underwent multiple X-rays, MRIs and an ultrasound. We found out that more than 50 percent of Molly’s brain was permanently damaged, affecting both halves of her brain.

We knew that her time on earth would be short. The news hit my daughter and her husband like a truck — their joy had quickly turned to mourning.

The next day, Jake’s parents arrived along with some of their family, as well as several of our children and their families. Rebecca and Jake introduced Molly to each family member.

Many came and kneeled at Rebecca’s feet, while she sat with her daughter on her lap in the NICU and sobbed.

When a family is being a family it is powerful, even worshipful.

Questions That Remained Unanswered

On Monday, we surrounded Molly for a baby dedication, reading Scripture, praying and singing a couple of songs.

Again, many of us kneeled at Rebecca’s feet close to Molly, her little frame tethered to life-support tubes.

I remember thinking, If love could heal, Molly would be well . Instead, we saw her little chest pounding, her heart beating faster and faster, trying to keep up with what she needed to live.

Throughout the ordeal, there were moments when our trust in God waivered.

While running an errand at Walgreen’s for Rebecca, I saw several moms with their babies. I couldn’t help but wonder, Why did they all have healthy babies, and my daughter didn’t?

Such questions were left unanswered.

With the reality that Molly would not live long, we took steps to remember her.

On Wednesday we shot video, took pictures and made molds of Molly’s hands. My Bible now has Molly’s footprints all over Psalm 127 and 128 and her handprints on my life verse, Psalm 112:1,2.

On Thursday morning, a nurse informed us that Molly’s vital signs were slipping. Her little heart raced at more than 170 beats per minute, though she was receiving 100 percent pure oxygen, and she began losing color.

Not Quite Ready to Say Goodbye

Around noon, I got my chance to say goodbye to Molly.

As she was placed in my arms, I tried to sing “Jesus Loves Me,” but tears choked my words. Later I began to tell one of my “Speck People” stories. My grandkids love these tales of adventure about tiny little people living in a microscopic world.

The story was less than a minute long. At the conclusion, I looked up to see Rebecca with the biggest grin.

Then she began to laugh.

Rebecca’s laughter has always been contagious, and I too began to laugh. I held Molly carefully, afraid that the stress of handling her might be more than her little body could handle.

Jake and I looked at the heart and oxygen monitor to see if our hearty laughter had stressed her system, but the opposite was happening! Her oxygen saturation, which had been at 80, now shot up to nearly 100 percent.

It was a moment of sheer delight and mystery.

In the valley of the shadow of death, God gave us laughter.

The Hope of a Christian in the Middle of Grief

I was reminded that Christians are the only people who can laugh without despair in the midst of such a crisis — we know where we are headed.

Heaven is certain because of what Jesus Christ did for us through His death for our sins. Because He lives, we who believe have the hope of life after death. And it’s why we could laugh even as our beloved Molly was about to leave us.

Eventually the laughter stopped and the tears flowed again as I said good-bye.

Later that day at 6:15 p.m., Molly made her way to heaven.

The sunset that day was spectacular.

Thunderstorms had formed over the mountains, resulting in splashes of platinum-gold light all over the Rockies from the sun’s rays. It was as though the sun was declaring, “Magnificent Molly is home!”

How We Were Able to Keep Perspective

People often ask us how we were able to keep perspective during this ordeal. I tell them that it’s the result of having walked with God (or attempted to walk with Him) over the past 40 years.

You get to know Him for who He is, that He’s a good God. We’ve seen a lot of tragedy in our own family (Barbara’s heart surgery and our son Samuel’s muscular dystrophy).

In the process of grappling with these issues, I realized that if you don’t trust God, whom are you going to trust? If He is not a sovereign God who is in control, then all of life is out of control, bringing me to a place of hopelessness.

We’ve seen through Scripture and know that the Bible doesn’t lie but tells the truth. It is authoritative. Scripture not only explains who God is but how to respond in the face of difficult situations.

Molly’s Epitaph: A Gift for 7 Days

This didn’t take the sting out of losing Molly, yet we hope in God.

This is evident by what Jake and Rebecca printed on Molly’s gravestone:

“We cannot, Lord, Thy purpose see,
But all is well that’s done by Thee.”

Molly was a gift entrusted to us for 7 days. Then she was ushered home, undoubtedly by a band of the gentlest and mightiest angels dispatched from the throne of God to carry her into the presence of the Savior.

Her life may have been short in terms of days, but it was mighty. She helped us experience God and the fellowship of our family to a greater depth than before.

We are thankful.

(http://www.ccci.org/ministries/family/when-a-baby-dies.aspx)

going live

2008-11-07T15:05:00.000-08:00

howdy folks, it's time to get excited. especially if you are a woman in the manhattan, ks area and see one of our doctors at The Women's Health Group. our website is almost here. check it out in a day or so and enjoy all the resources it has to offer. and, let me know if you have any problems with it or suggestions.

something man cannot create

2008-11-06T21:56:00.000-08:00

i've been stewing over this for a few days now. i know it's a current emotional issue for me and i'm begging for perspective and peace. bare with me as i explain my frustration.

america has so much to be thankful for. our culture, technology, etc advances all the time. i read about new developments in cancer research, new forms of communication and technology, advancements in space exploration ... all things that man has had a hand in creating or advancing. heck, we've even tried gender declaration, cloning and genetic alterations. man so badly wants to be able to be God; as intelligent a creator as He is, as perfect of an inventor as He is, as creative a maker as He is. when are we, as a nation, ever going to realize that we will never be God?

now, for the source of my rant. there is one thing that man will never be able to have the upper hand in and yet it's something that we take for granted. LIFE .even though we may take part in creating a life ... it is God's to give and His to take away. there is something so intricately wonderful and beautiful about the joining of such small things (yes, the sperm and egg) that must happen at the exact right moment with the circumstances just right to create a life. one of the OBGYN doctors at my office says "the likelihood of a sperm and an egg both being in the right place at the right time is less than 25% ... and guess who orchestrates it all? not modern science, not the mother or the father, but our Maker. i'll never understand the logistics. nor will i ever comprehend why a woman who can't stand sacrificing her time, money and life for a "brat" get pregnant umteenth times, while so many women live with a mother's heart while her womb remains barren. i've resolved that i don't need to understand this ... it's a job i enjoy leaving in the hands of merciful Father.

As the truth teller and boat-rocker that I am ... I am struggling to know how to live in a country that I love that has a growing addiction, love and pride for these statistics:

• Currently, 3,900 babies die from abortion every day in America - one every 22 seconds. Each year, over 1.4 million infants die from abortion.

• More than 50 million babies have been slaughtered in America since the Supreme Court's ruling: more than the total loss of life in every American military conflict from the War of Independence through Desert Storm, more than the equivalent of the combined 1990 census populations of:

Atlanta,	Boston,	Chicago,
Dallas,	Denver,	Detroit,
Houston,	Los Angeles,	Miami,
Minneapolis/St. Paul,	New Orleans,	New York,
Philadelphia,	Phoenix,	San Francisco,
Seattle,	St. Louis,	and Washington, DC

I believe that our country will be held responsible for all these deaths ... what exactly that means, I'm not sure, but it really grieves me. Actually, it angers me, especially that my President-elect openly promotes killing a live baby after it's been delivered.

How's that for a rant? :)

Disclaimer: I'm not picking a fight ... just sharing a personal turmoil I'm struggling to know what to do with. Thanks for listening and I'd love your feedback.

graves delight

2008-11-04T08:37:00.000-08:00

Greetings from Manhattan!

Looking outside our front window my gaze is met with so much warmth, an array of color staring back at me; golden yellows, ruby reds and deep green! I love fall.

Amidst everything going on in our lives, believe it or not, I am finding still a warmth within my heart. Call it unexplainable, or even crazy. I don't know how or why, but I do know that I believe the end of my story is good.

We were expecting another little Graves delight next June. And again (tubal pregnancy on the left side in May 2008) we've been met with challenges, this time with lasting effects. We are experiencing another ectopic pregnancy (tubal pregnancy on the left side - May 2008), this time on the right side. It is still unclear if the tube will be able to be saved. Yesterday we started an injectable medication, a folic acid inhibitor in an attempt to avoid surgery again, thus increasing the chance of saving the tube. At this point we are unsure as to why we are experiencing yet another ectopic, but endometriosis is the most likely the culprit. Even if my last tube remains, my chances of having another ectopic are high. Thus, with the encouragement of our God send of a doctor, we are continuing the preliminary process of adoption!!!! We started the paperwork for partnership with a local ministry, LifeChoice Ministries, and are really excited for the next steps. "Rescuing" a life and claiming it as our 'bloodline' is such a heavy and detailed subject to wrap my mind around, yet beginning when we were dating is has excited us both incredibly. It seems to us there is an additional responsibility with adoption and we are excited and ready to begin learning. We've been watching 3 of my coworkers kids (all under the age of three). She's a young single mom living an extremely stressful life. Lane, Ali and Tucker are amazing. Loving them, teaching them things and the practicle tasks flow naturally from us ... and we love it! Having those three around has confirmed that we would love to add to our family through means of adopting and don't see it as "second best" at all.

This week I took my youngest sister away to a ranch for her birthday ... we had a great time. We both love to paint and spent quite a bit of time doing so. I started in as usual with nothing specific to paint in mind, but longing to express a specific burden and cement it on a canvas. As I got halfway into it the words of Psalm 23 came to me ....

The Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I need.
He lets me rest i green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk throught the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.
You welcome me as a guest, anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

A beloved friend left me a message praying Psalm 23 over me and our situation and it has echoed truth in my heart and will for a long time to come. Everyone, thank you so much for your prayers for my body and our family.

With love and longing,
lng

P.S. Since many of you, are with child, carrying a precious life that I adore, please know that I am 100% joyful with you. In no way do I want you to keep your motherly joy away from me. I rejoice with you and always will. I love you and all your children, now and forever.

a video for thinking

2008-10-29T21:04:00.000-07:00

Watch this video and let me know what you think.

Former U.S. Congressman Bob McEwen Urges Students to Vote on Godly Principles

Liberty Journal
By Eric Brown

As disagreements about the contents of our nation's constitution began to swirl in 1787, Benjamin Franklin urged President George Washington and fellow members of the Constitutional Convention to pray before each meeting.

In his address Franklin stated, "I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proof I see of this truth that God governs in the affairs of men."

Weeks after his speech, the nation's Founding Fathers wrote the United States Constitution, establishing justice and securing the blessings of liberty in America.

Former U.S. Congressman Bob McEwen addressed students during Monday's convocation, reminding them of the principles and values the country was founded upon. He also emphasized the importance of a Godly worldview over one based on man's standards and ideologies.

"The United States is a unique, special place because it understands that God is the source of our rights", McEwen said. "There are those who want to change our association, our tradition — our history that makes us. Then they want us to be just like any other country and when they do it — if they do it — there will be no other place for us to go."

While the country faces challenging economic times, the speaker pointed to the freedom and wealth Americans still have, stressing the necessity of protecting those qualities.

"Limited government gives us more freedom," McEwen stated. "Fewer taxes give us more freedom. A strong defense protects our freedom, and that's what government should do."

Before exiting the stage, the former congressman challenged students to preserve their God-given freedom by exercising their right to vote on Nov. 4.

"What you are about to do is very, very important," he said. "I know that you will choose the leadership for our country that understands that blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord."

McEwen represented Ohio in the United States House of Representatives for six terms. He is the senior advisor with the nationally recognized law firm of Greenebaum, Doll & McDonald, maintaining offices in Cincinnati and Washington, D.C.

words of life

2008-10-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

I had a dear friend encourage me to pray scripture for a desolate situation a family we know is going through. I thought I'd share some words of life I'm clinging to for them (heck, and for myself!).

Psalm 25 - "Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord; point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long i put my hope in you. Remember, O Lord, your unfailing love and compassion, which you have shown from long ages past. Forgive the rebellious sins of my youth; look instead through the eyes of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord. The Lord is good and does what is right; he shows the proper path to those who go astray. He leads the humble in what is right, teaching them his way. The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all those who keep his covenant and obey his decrees. For the honor of your name, O Lord, forgive my many, many sins. Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose. They will live in prosperity and their children will inherit the Promised Land. Friendship with the Lord is reserved for those who fear him. With them he shares the secrets of his covenant. My eyes are always looking to the Lord for help, for he alone can rescue me from the traps of my enemies. Turn to me and have mercy on me, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble. Forgive all my sins. See how many enemies I have and how viciously they hate me! Protect me! Rescue my life from them! Do not let me be disgraced, for I trust in you. May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you."

Isaiah 61 - "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like STRONG AND GRACEFUL OAKS for his own glory."

Psalm 103:1-4 - "Praise the Lord, I tell myself; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, I tell myself, and never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He ransoms me from death and surrounds me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's! The Lord gives righteousness and justice to all who are treated unfairly."

Psalms 1 - "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish."

catching up

2008-10-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

howdy ya'll. we have enjoyed some random things these past few weeks, good things that have been keeping us busy. one big thing for me is i'm trying to complete a project at work that has been keeping me busy too. so, i thought i'd show off some pictures.

My sister (well, actually sister-in-law) is getting married January 17th!!! So, we've been doing all the fun wedding prep stuff. Wedding dress, check. Wedding and reception sites, check. Bridesmaid dresses, check. Invitations, check. Decorations, check. Waiting and waiting, check. Amy is going to be such a beautiful bride in every way. If you don't know her you should ... she's amazing. The 'sad' part is she'll be a Kentucky resident, far away from us all. Especially when we're in Colorado! Amy has been living and working in Topeka, KS as a nurse, but will soon be the blushing bride of a tobacco farmer - such a southern woman! Their wedding will be in Jason's family's hometown and the days are counting down.

This is Jason and I's THIRD sibling wedding in 11 months!
It's wedding central around these parts.

My grandmary, Lenore, told me when I was pregnant with Benson to take pictures of all the disasters so that I can laugh about them later. Here's a picture that captures something that took me a little while to laugh about. One of Benson's favorite things to do when he gets a brief moment to himself is pull the kitchen chair over to the counter and "create". This particular day he grabbed the garlic salt, fresh veggies from our garden that were on the counter and a pot. He dumped the entire garlic salt container all over the counter and floor and managed to get some in the pot. Then he bit pieces of banana peppers off and put them in his 'stew'. The floor was covered in garlic salt. The Graves crew still smells like garlic! Benson does love fresh banana peppers though - he eats them like apples! Maybe he's gonna be a chef?

My sister, Laura, had surgery about three weeks ago. She lives in Manhattan and is an extended part of the Graves household. Her husband is overseas so Jason, Benson and I took care of her for a few days as she recovered. I was able to go with her for the surgery thanks to my job letting me have off with such short notice. I really enjoyed being with her - it's not too often that she lets people take care of her. She's such beautiful woman even after surgery and relieving her stomach (to put it nicely) about half dozen times. She's about to graduate from KSU (go Cats!) in December.

Here's Benson's favorite little lady - Jaiya Duell. Kristin dropped J off at our house so she could have some mommy alone time. Benson was asleep when she arrived, but soon he started to stir. So Jaiya and I went to break him from his crib prison. But, plans changed when Benson and Jaiya got so excited to see eachother that they went ballistic. So I put Jaiya in Benson's crib. They squealed with delight and jumped, and jumped, sang, held hands and jumped some more. I have the most amazing video of this, but I haven't figured out how to upload video clips yet. So if anyone wants to show teach me, I'd love it!

We're doing well and love, love, loving the fall weather. I love fall, but do not enjoy winter. Funny that we're moving to Colorado, huh? We're about half way through our Financial Peace University class (www.fpu.com) and absolutely loving it. We didn't know anyone in the class, but have really grown to love the information, financial tools we'rebeing equipped with as well as our other class mates. Our jobs are going well and we are preparing for this upcoming change. We have no idea when it will happen, but we are absolutely excited!!! More posts on this to come.

We'd love to hear how you're doing. Give us a call or shoot us an email, or a link to your blog!

boundaries

2008-09-20T17:34:00.000-07:00

whelp, the last few days have brought a realization: i can't cram everything i want into my day and still be alive in the end. or at least for very long. it makes me hyperventilate just thinking about all the things i accomplish, all the preverbial hats i wear, the schedule i keep. the only thing that makes me sigh with a gust of relief is it's all coming to an end, someday.

laughing moments

2008-09-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

my 'new' pink towels

[ although you can't really tell the pink hue from this pic]

a surprise party from my co-workers. i was completely surprised. good job kelli!

[ l to r: kelli, cassie, me, kristie, sarah]

sarah bideau (almost Cott) makes me laugh. she is amazing and has the most random stories!

benson's morning bedhead. yes, he's a heartbreaker!

benson's art. he had these foam stickers that he got used to make a picture in nursery on sunday. he took them off the page, one-by-one, and carefully put them on my knee. he was so proud of his creation we had to show daddy and take a picture!

taking it easy

2008-09-14T03:55:00.000-07:00

hello all. i've been a bit under the weather, i guess you could say. i wish it were a measly cold. more trouble with my endometriosis has come on, leaving me in more pain than i'd care to admit. the blessing, i've been given a divinely high level of pain tolerance, and i have a gentle and amazing husband. ahh. i've been resting and resting some more, trying to get some shut eye too.

resting has led me to thoughts of my laundry. yeah, the task of making dirty clothes clean. i am so grateful for my washer and dryer. often i think back to before they were invented and wonder with empathy, "i bet they didn't wash their clothes very often, especially when the garment was only covered in my child's snot". anywho, i am known for accomplishing 10 things in the same hour: preparing dinner > talking on the phone > typing an email to a friend > setting benson up with some pots and spices and spoons and water to make his favorite soup while mommy cooks > making dinner > catching up with a friend who stopped by > changing out the laundry and putting another load in > folding the first load > paying some bills while checking on our dinner thats baking > and this was the final one the other day ... i went to remove the second load of wash only to find that i had turned all my whites PINK. a sinking feeling. i've never done this before. its awful. i hope to never do it again. a few days prior i must have put an auto rag (those cheap red thin ones) benson and i used to wash the car in the laundry to dry. it somehow got in with my whites. ughh. i've tried everything. i'm so cheap. i hate the thought of replacing my favorite white tshirt i've had since b.m. (before mindy; one of my bestest friends who was my pot-luck roommate my freshman year at KState ... going on nine years). or my beautiful white towels. in February we completely remodeled our bathroom. i saved up my pennies to buy these soft, crisp white towels from jcpenny's. i was so proud of them. every time i'd get out of the shower i'd burry myself in it's posh hugeness, a luxury compared to the kind of towels i had previously. they still feel the same - encased in a girly pastel pink color (gag me). anywho. the lesson of the story for me slow down! i don't always have to accomplish the most possible number of things in the smallest amount of time. anyone have any tricks for de-pinkifying whites?

on another less sarcastic note...
i participated in a huge children's consignment sale, check it out at

introducing THE jason graves, my husband

2008-09-13T18:51:00.000-07:00

Jason wrote this song today. I love it so I thought I'd share it.

Is this real, or is it a dream

that i made up for everyone else but me

what about the little things i love

pushed aside, left alone and gone

i'm living in a world that offers me

only just as much as i want to see

livin' a life not meant for me

how is it supposed to be

is this real, or is it a dream

so hard to tell where i really should be

here or there, looks the same to me

so i need you so i can find me

i'm living in a world that offers me

only just as much as i want to see

livin' a life not meant for me

how is it supposed to be

the more i think the more i see

that life makes sense when it's not just about me

i need you to walk with me

i need you so i can find me

Disclaimer: seeing as i'm new to this uploading and blogging thing, i can't get the audio to sound that great. Any ideas? It took me a long while to get this far!

a little about us

2008-09-10T22:16:00.001-07:00

Benson Emery Graves. he's amazing. i know i'm his mom and i'm supposed to think that, but i think i have a brilliant kid on my hands. i first knew something was clicking well with my child when he sorted his clothes by color at 9 months! now he's putting together phrases. for example, today it was "more apples please mommy". is that normal for a 17 month old? i'm not sure, but it took me by surprise. he loves to be chased, tickled, baths, being outside, going for walks in his wagon, and playing with other kids. he can point out a ton of body parts, including some unmentionables. he has crazy blonde hair that's curly in the back. (i can't cut it. i love it too much.) his personality, as i can tell it right now, is two fold: daredevil and loving. he loves to fling his entire body and a hard object, slide to the floor with a thud, laugh get back up and do it again. he hardly every cries because of a fall, although sometimes i do just watching him. but, in the midst of experiencing a plethora of new and sometimes dangerous adventures he will realize that his mommy or daddy is in his presence. he'll run to me (or daddy) crawl up in my lap, grab my face in his hands and bring his lips to mine for about 20 kisses. drool and all i love it. this is my Braveheart!

Jason. he's delicious. we've been married for going on four years. i would be a mess without him. seriously. i would wear my body out going 1,000 miles per hour with 1,000 things to do. he's patient and gentle, loving and talented at so many things. secretly he's a brainiac. he has the ability to understand complex things really quickly and then in the next instant explain it to me in an easy to understand way. then i feel smart. he has that affect on people - make them feel good about themselves. he's actually the feeler of our marriage, he has a huge heart. our move to denver is bringing a spring to his step some days and a limp walk other days. change is really hard for him. he usually gets in a bad mood for a while before, during or after change. but i think it's funny; his moodiness is a fraction of my moodiness at times. i love this picture of him with some of our really good friends. L to R: Aaron Huerter holding Jaiya Duell, Ben Duell holding Benson, and Jason holding Jacob Huerter. we were out to dinner together before the Huerters moved to Lawrence. (we miss you guys!) The Duell's are also moving to Denver to be a part of the same church (http://www.trailheadchurch.org/), you should check it out!

i'm here! i have a million things running through my head, as always. sometimes i really wish i could shut my brain off, but i don't recall a time i was successful. i've recently realized one of my core functions ... my head is always thinking of ways to make things better; relationships, organizations, ergonomics, etc. in my opinion (and this is definately my personality raging here), if you're involved in something you're there because you're passionate about it. if you're passionate about it then you do your best and you strive to be better. hmmm. i've learned not everyone in the world works like this. so, i stick out like a sore thumb. i care about everything. seriously. but, thank goodness for a patient husband and a lot of grace. i'm learning to define what i should and should not care about. moving on. being a mommy is amazing. my wonderful job doesn't even compare to my time with Benson. the above picture is Benson and I with an amazing boy that we hung out with for the summer. he's in 3rd grade and his name is Garrett. we had just gone to the insect zoo and learned about creepy crawlers and saw lots of ants! as with our move, i too am absolutely excited and absolutely scared. more days i'm probably excited than not, but i am really sad to leave our families and our manhattan family. i can't even fathom being away from our families and being away from our familial support system. every time i freak out about that i hear this gentle prodding from within, "you're furthering their reach" and "your relationships will be strengthened by obedience". we just have awesome families that love us. that's a lot to miss being close to. soon we'll have awesome families that love us and live further away than now. that's not so bad. i have another endeavor on my hands. we just bought the domain for a site that i'm going to post all of my paintings on and share they're meanings, the story behind them. i'd tell you the site, but there's nothing there. and, the name is awesome so i'm not going to spoil the surprise for you. stay tuned. for those of you that don't know i've been doing interpretive abstract painting for almost two years now. i love it! so, if you have a story or life season that you'd like to share with me, i'll cement my art on a canvas inspired by you and give it to you! other than my boys, working, painting, keeping up with friends and moving there's nothing much new with me.

signing off for now. i hope you all are enjoying (finally) being able to keep up with the graves'! keep coming back for more!

give or take

2008-09-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

i have this friend. she makes me think. a lot, actually. she does have some 'religious' beliefs, they differ from mine. we're very different from each other; personality, style, decorating, background, age etc. but i love her. yes, i really love our friendship. the more i watch her the more she sticks out to me. she is a giver. i rarely see her take. she studies people long enough to know what loves them well and then she gives. she loves to give her time, money, energy. she loves to shop for other people. she loves to write people cards. life is rarely about herself. wow, this is such a rare and beautiful trait. where do i get it? it reminds me of a man i've read about who can instinctively know a person's needs and love without audible words. this man is a man who's changed my life. he goes against social norms by literally touching those society deems as gross and unpopular. he has compassion on me, even when i bring shame upon myself. he sticks out in society, like my friend. i have so much to learn. my friend is blessed for all that she gives. maybe she has life more figured out than i do?

ready to go

2008-09-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

i had to share this story with you all...

sunday mornings are not easy for the graves household. this morning was especially tense. jason leaves early to prepare for worship. right before jason walks out the door benson walks in the bathroom to say goodbye to daddy with black ink framing his entire face, blacking out one of his eyes. he had this expression on his face as if saying, "what the heck did i do?" i have my hands full of hair gel, so jason started the bath water. he stripped benson down, stuck him in the tub and started scrubbing. jason had to leave so i finished up the detoxifying of benson's face. he looked like he had a black eye, but at least the gi joe look was gone. i took him out of the tub, dabbed him dry and headed to his room to diaper and clothe him for church. the wet sqwirmy little dude got away and ran into the living room. i ran after him only to find he had an 'empty' bottle of shampoo that he must have previously dug out of the trash can. before i could remove it from his hands he dumped it on his head ... soap and suds running all down his hair, face, belly and into his eyes. ahhh! i am basically naked myself and we're supposed to be leaving for church in ten minutes. (i'm sure all you moms have this story memorized!). i re-started the bath water and cleaned him up, again. i threw myself together, but benson looked cute!

i needed to load up all of my nursery stuff in the car so i walked out the front door with hands full. i loaded the contents from my hands into the car and turned towards the house to go get benson. he had already escaped, dragging his backpack (diaperbag) behind him, heading for the car. he wasn't about to get left behind.

coming to a decision

2008-09-06T20:23:00.000-07:00

a couple months ago as i started this new blog, with one entry, i didn't realize the impact what we were learning on june 19th would be impacting us so much on september 6th.

we're embarking on a journey of risk and practice. we're moving to a suburb of denver, colorado. the pull to denver definately isn't the skiing or the boarding; neither of us do those things (yet!). we've been sensing a change is coming for a while. a season of getting to the willingness to let go of comfortable and enter into obedience. sometimes with kicking and screaming inside, other times a rumbling excitement of whats to come.

this decision hasn't exactly been calculated, but it's been in the making. somewhere around half way through seminary (2006-2007) we could tell that we needed to incorporate risk and faith into our journey. risk not for the sake of risk, but for the sake of removing dependence of self and placing it solely on the Author of life. we tried a couple things that we thought might fulfill us, but neither one of us felt alive. the kind of life that evokes a volcano of determination and passion because you just tapped into the very thing you were born to do ... this kind of living.

yeah, none of that was happening so much, even though life consisted of the things we had thought for a long time a "good" life would consist of: good church, being musical, having a family, good jobs, etc. plus, all of life up to this point was both of us doing our own thing. yes, we are a union, a husband and wife team, but jason did his own thing and i did mine and we met in the middle at the end of the day. this is great and typical of many amazing families. jason and i are different. we're night and day opposite. he's the circle; smooth, easy going, warm and friendly. i'm the square; intense, passionate, truth-speaker, enemy-maker. it's true. yet, we're becoming more and more aware of the fact that we are a fantastic team. we're so different that we aleviate a lot of blindspots when we work on something as a team. the challenge and never-ending journey is appreciating each others differences and 'unique' ways of doing things. yeah ... the story of our first four years of marriage!

all the details are yet to be told, some are in the making. our timeline goal is spring; maybe late winter, further yet, maybe next summer! we'll keep you posted on our journey, but really,

we need your backing with prayer,

covering us like a shield!

especially our marriage and relationships with our families. our families are sad to see us leave the measely 2 hour drive. our marriage is the foundation thats been worked on; roughed up and polished. jason loves the comfortable, the 'easy'. i love the logical route. this decision is neither. it's something far more important than that. it's jumping out of the boat. believing that the power he holds will defy all odds and let us ...

w a l k o n w a t e r,

because he loves us.

cheers, friends and family. more to come later, i promise.

coming together

2008-06-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

last night i went to play bingo with my friend, Alicia, at the legion building. it was the largest turn out she'd seen for Wednesday night bingo. i believe it. it's been one week since a tornado left it's mark on Manhattan. when suffering comes people think, change and turn to each other; people all of a sudden want community. Manhattan is a funny place. it's a relatively small college town, which would make you think it's a tight knit community. it isn't that at all. most people tend to stay to themselves. there are lots of cliques here. they find a group of people they feel safe with and then they attach themselves like leeches and refuse to branch out, even being friendly to strangers. then the tornado came to us; removing our tall fences and brick buildings, beckoning us to see each other for real.

so there's a stirring within the town. right as we're thinking about leaving. up until this point we've felt like a circle in the midst of a square. wondering if we were being pushed onward. now i'm confused. relationships at work are turning to real discussions of life and faith, a trip to the grocery store leaves me revived feeling life billowing from those i rub shoulders with.

for now, we pray and stay open.

the graves crew

Ever After

Melody of the Soul

Our Next Step ...

open invitation

Month in Picture Review

Pickles galore, but not enough!

Refrigerator Pickles

Graves Crew Quirkiness

Have you ever thought about where the nourishment we're "nourishing" our bodies comes from, if it's meeting the core needs of our bodies at all? Have you ever wondered if symptoms you're experiencing could be related to your diet? We've asked ourselves these questions - many-a-times!

A couple things we've discovered about eating healthy:

1). It takes time and forward thinking. In the most hectic, chaotic times of our life eating healthy was the first thing that flew out the window.

2). Eating healthy is more expensive. ** The article I included at the end has some helpful tips **

3). Eating healthy invests in all aspects of your being: body, mind and spirit. You may think I'm bluffing or over-exaggerating. Trust me, it's true. Try it. Start off small. Keep an open mind.

Enjoy the article below!

lng

9 Ways to Eat Healthily (and Cheaply)

Truths unloaded:

just right

the story of jaylee's name

Psalm 139

things we've been doing

wondering

a smidgen to whet the appetite

coffeetalk and a little bit more

a new little tid bit

a way to get involved

Jaylee Ann Paige Graves

labor of love continues

the labor of love begins

a little R and R

adoption education

white man

the potty

catching up / waiting, waiting

the beginning of new

a celebration of life

the "paige"s are turning

25 random things about me

time to pray

turned in

we invite you ...

help, potty training!

a visual from our christmas

again, one breath at a time

one breath at a time

i've been tagged

Enjoy!

my coffee talks, does yours?

greetings

a new chapter

a strangers insight into my heart

When a Baby Dies

Dennis Rainey and his family look for hope in the valley of the shadow of death

Baby Molly Was In Dire Trouble

New Parents’ Joy Turned to Mourning

Questions That Remained Unanswered

Not Quite Ready to Say Goodbye

The Hope of a Christian in the Middle of Grief

How We Were Able to Keep Perspective

Molly’s Epitaph: A Gift for 7 Days

going live

something man cannot create

graves delight

a video for thinking

words of life

catching up

boundaries

laughing moments

taking it easy

introducing THE jason graves, my husband

a little about us

give or take

ready to go

coming to a decision

coming together

2). Eating healthy is more expensive. The article I included at the end has some helpful tips